Sermons
How to Create A Wealthy Marriage
Series: The Lord and Me, And Money4The Lord and Me, and Money
Money and Marriage:
How to Create A Wealthy Marriage
Introduction:
1. The most common cause of stress in a marriage is financial. Of those 45-54, with stress in their relationship, 44 percent rated finances as the number one issue (www.SunTrust.com. “Love and Money,” Feb. 4, 2015).
2. The Institute for Divorce Financial Analysts indicates that 22 percent of divorces are caused by “money issues.”
3. One of the most common sources of conflict in marriage is money, says John Gottman, well-known researcher about marriage conflict. How do we spend it and how do we save it for things that really matter?
4. Gottman says, it is really not about the money but about the personal meaning we give to it. For some it means safety and security, for others of us it is about our dreams, our fears, and our inadequacies (www.gottman.com. “Arguments About Money Aren’t About Money). It is more about who we are.
a. If you were raised by an alcoholic mother who spent food money on liquor making your
meals unpredictable—having expensive food may be more important to you than
saving for retirement.
b. If you were made fun of in school for your hand-me-down clothes custom made suits
may lead you to eat macaroni and cheese every night so you won’t be made fun of.
c. Money is loaded with power and meaning and our identity. And if our partner doesn’t
appreciate this they can violate our trust—arguments ensue and even divorce may be
the result.
5. What can we do to make money and marriage work together?
Discussion:
I. When it comes to money matters we must learn to accept and capitalize on our differences.
A. The biblical concept of a “help meet” (“help suitable,” NASB) involves complementarity
(Gen. 2:18).
1. Like two sides of a pair of scissors or a pair of pliers we are each different.
2. Who is the “saver” and who is the “spender” in your relationship?
a. Neither of these is any better or worse than the other. One is not right and the
other wrong.
b. As Dave Ramsey, best selling author and radio show host, put it, “Spenders get
savers out of the house once in a while . . . and savers keep spenders from
buying two of everything.”
3. Capitalizing on the differences means that both approaches are balanced against
each other to work together to accomplish what neither accomplishes alone. Must
appreciate and use these differences rather than criticizing and trying to correct
the other. Or becoming adversarial and angry and controlling and passively
aggressive.
B. The differences go beyond “savers” and “spenders.”
1. Some men draw their self-esteem from their ability to earn money and give
support to their family. May stem from societal expectations and interpretations
of 1 Tim. 5:8.
a. When financial problems threaten men struggle emotionally.
b. Research indicates that, “As mother’s percentage of household income
increases, her level of depressive symptoms increase. As a father’s share
grows, his depression levels decrease” (Christian Counseling Today, “Money,
Finances and Relationships,” 23:3:70).
c. Tell a husband he is not a good provider and you might as well have stabbed
him. He is emasculated, cut to the core. Ex. Wife’s statement, “I wish I had a
husband who could give me a brick house.”
2. Women, on the other hand, tend to see money as a security blanket.
a. Wives often get scared when the math doesn’t work.
b. She needs to feel secure if she is going to relax emotionally.
c. “You are going to borrow how much to do what? We need to talk about
this.” She may be terrified! Might as well tie her up and drag her through an
alligator pond.
C. Such actions violate trust in the relationship leaving the impression that we don’t
care about the other person’s fears—anger results! Arguments! Resentments!
1. If you disrespect the other person’s vulnerabilities in matters of money you
violate the fundamentals of marriage.
2. The concept of covenant.
a. Faithfulness.
b. Love.
c. Respect.
II. Managing money in a marriage is a team effort.
A. Illustration of my dad’s mules: Kate (smaller) and Blue (bigger, stronger). Worked
together as a team.
B. The idea of being “one flesh” is not just about the sexual relationship. But about being
on the same team (Gen. 2:24), acting as one unit.
C. Of necessity it involves communication.
1. Often what we try to do is nag, whine or manipulate our spouse into doing what we
want to do. It does not work. They dig their heels in, become defensive and
resentful.
2. We have to approach money issues with what is best for the team. Not just what is
best for me (to eliminate my fears, to build my self esteem, etc.).
3. Be honest.
a. Openly confess your fears, etc.
b. Don’t hide money away in accounts your spouse doesn’t know about. Don’t
have credit card accounts hidden from your spouse. These are
mechanisms focused on your fears, your anxieties, your self image, etc. These
things reflect what is valuable to us—relieving my fear, building my image in
front of others. Be honest about what you treasure. Being naked and not being
ashamed is about being vulnerable to each other. It’s not just about sex.
c. We are not serving men. We are servants of God. But struggling servants. We
have our vulnerabilities and our temptations. We tend to think more highly of
ourselves than we ought to think. We are in process.
d. We must work together to align our values with those of the Lord. Working
together as a team involves being yoked together with the Lord, first and then
with each other. Every yoke involves humble submission.
D. Being on the same team means no more “his” and “hers.”
1. No more “my” money and “your” money. It is the Lord’s and “we” have control
over it.
2. It doesn’t matter who brings in a paycheck or who makes more.
3. We are servants, not power-mongers. Because I have a bigger paycheck doesn’t
mean I have more power and therefore make the decisions. Because I am the
family head doesn’t mean I have more power and get my way. Is it any wonder
when we do this that our spouse feels disrespected? Jesus came to serve, not to
be served. He uses His power to support not domineer.
4. Are you hiding purchases from your spouse? Did you transfer money from the
savings account into the checking account without addressing this with your
spouse? If you are hiding things, is it any wonder that when they are discovered
that there is an argument? It is financial unfaithfulness.
5. Do you think, “It’s easier to ask for forgiveness than to reach a consensus?”
Illustration of guy who bought new truck without wife’s knowledge. When he
brought it home. She was angry. Surprised? She is financially responsible for
that new truck. “But God made me the head of this house and I will do what I
want.” How’s that working out for you? That’s not biblical headship, that’s
domination. The question is, What’s good for the team??? Not, What do I want?
Conclusion:
1. We really must apply the fundamentals to this area of finances.
2. We all come at this with our issues.
3. The Lord will bring us to greater maturity, if we are willing to submit to building our financial house by His principles.
4. We are on the same team. Let’s be faithful to our commitment, to the Lord and to one another.
5. Following the Lord you can have a wealthy marriage.
